


Nothing Good Starts in a Getaway Car

by DawnDust



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Alexis Rose is a Badass, Angst with a Happy Ending, Attempt at Humor, Crack Treated Seriously, David Rose Loves Patrick Brewer, Episode: s07e07 In-Laws, Kidnapping, M/M, Robbery, Whump, mild gun violence, this sounds angsty but I don't think it's that bad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:47:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29392194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DawnDust/pseuds/DawnDust
Summary: During a time of crisis, Patrick learns what it means to have David and Alexis as his family.
Relationships: Alexis Rose & David Rose, Patrick Brewer & Alexis Rose, Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 45
Kudos: 119
Collections: Schitt's Creek Season 7





	Nothing Good Starts in a Getaway Car

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by Anonymous in the [SCSeason7](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/SCSeason7) collection. 



> **Prompt:** 7x07 - In-Laws
> 
> This is the generic, catch-all prompt for all things related to the Brewers and both David and Patrick's relationships with their new families. Claim this prompt if you have an idea for a work that doesn't fit any of the other 7x07 prompts.
> 
> Title is from Taylor Swift's Getaway Car.
> 
> Please mind the tags! Some content could be upsetting. I wrote this in about four hours, and edited it once, so I'm sorry about the mistakes it definitely has. That said, it was very fun to write, so I hope you have fun reading it!

“I can’t thank you enough for coming with me on this trip, Alexis.” Patrick said, smiling in Alexis’s direction. “I don’t know what I would have done without you here.”

Alexis booped his nose and winked both of her eyes at him. At least, he thought she did. He was a little busy trying to keep his eyes on the road. “It’s literally no problem at all, Patrick! I’m excited to hang out with you!”

Alexis gasped, suddenly, making Patrick slightly nervous. It had been a while since he'd seen her, and her mannerisms took some time to get used to. “Oh my god, Patrick, you know what I just realized?” She smacked his arm lightly. “This is the first time we’re getting brother-sister time since the Cabaret rehearsals!” Patrick suppressed a smile. He did that a lot when the Rose family was around.

“Yeah, I guess so. Although I’m not sure going all the way to Elmdale to pick up David’s birthday present is really the best way to spend ‘brother-sister time', Alexis.”

“Patrick, no! I _love_ shopping, so this’ll be really fun for me.” Patrick tilted his head.

“Uh, I’m pretty sure I mentioned this earlier, but we’re here to pick up David’s present. I picked it out a while back, and just didn’t find the time to come out and pick it up.” Patrick snuck a glance at Alexis, and could see that she looked a little put out. “However, that doesn’t mean that we can’t _also_ go shopping.” She perked up at that.

“Oh my gosh, imagine how excited David would be to see you in something other than these boring button-downs!” Ouch. “That would honestly be the best birthday gift I could ever give him, so I’d totally be down for taking you shopping!”

Patrick bit his lip. “Yeah, that’s not quite what I have in mind, but I guess it also works!” He spent the rest of the car ride listening to Alexis chatter away about how much fun she was having in New York in InterFlix’s new office, and all the new people she’d met. Patrick was happy for her. He knew that the Rose siblings hadn't really had any real friends before Schitt's Creek, so he was estatic that Alexis was finally around people who appreciated her for who she was, and not just for her money. After all the hard work Alexis had put in, she deserved to be thriving.

By the time Patrick pulled into the parking lot of Elmdale’s best jewelry shop, Alexis had worn herself out talking, a feat Patrick didn't know was possible. He looked around, surprised at the lack of other cars. It was the middle of the day, and the last time he was here, it had taken him ages to find a spot to park. Patrick wasn't going to complain since it meant they wouldn’t have to wait so long at the store. He couldn't wait to pick up the custom gold necklace he'd ordered for David. Patrick knew he'd absolutely adore it.

“We’re here!” Patrick said loudly, once he noticed that Alexis was zoned out on her phone.

“Hm? Oh, goody!” They both got out of the car and headed towards the jewelry store. Right when Patrick reached for the store’s door handle, Alexis grabbed his arm. Confused, he turned to look at her.

“Something’s wrong,” she said, sounding nothing like her usual, bubbly self. “Patrick, we have to go, _now,_ ” she ordered, and started pulling him away, with a surprisingly strong grip.

“Alexis, wait, what’s going on?” Patrick asked, perplexed at her unusual behavior. Before she could answer, Patrick felt the press of cold metal at his back. He tried to turn around to see if he’d somehow backed into a pipe, but a rough hand grabbed his shoulder and kept him from facing the other way.

“Don’t move. If you’d like to leave outside of a body bag, I’d suggest shutting the fuck up and doing exactly what I say,” a deep voice growled into Patrick’s ear. He froze, and then tried to meet Alexis’s eyes, to figure out what the fuck was going on, but she wasn’t looking at him. She was busy looking down the barrel of a gun.

“Alexis!” Patrick instinctively moved towards her, and immediately felt a searing pain at the back of his head. He buckled, as the edges of his vision grayed out, and everything slowly turned to black.

* * *

When Patrick came to, he was leaning against a wall and felt a throbbing pain in his temple. He opened his eyes, confused about where he was, until he saw Alexis sitting next to him, hands tied behind her back and looking at him with concern. Patrick tried to move his own arms, but found himself bound in a similar position.

“Alexis?” He slurred. “Are you okay?” Saying just those few words made the pain in his head double. The harsh, fluorescent lights inside the jewelry shop weren’t helping, either. Fuck. His head felt just like the time Bob had nailed it with a baseball, so he probably had a concussion.

“I’m perfectly fine, but shush.” Alexis whispered. “I think you have a pretty bad concussion.”

“What’s goin’ on?” Patrick asked, ignoring her advice, and immediately regretted it, as he was hit by a strong wave of nausea. He squeezed his eyes shut, and willed himself not to throw up. Nope, he was not going to do that in front of his sister-in-law. As David would say, that would not be a good look on him. Fuck. David. He would be so pissed off at Patrick if he came home with another injury. After last month's hockey incident, David had loudly announced to the whole ER that they would not be coming back there again because the next time Patrick decided to risk his life for a sport, he would just leave him to die for his sins.

“We accidentally interrupted a robbery.” Alexis explained. “You got that concussion because one of hit you with their gun. We just need to sit here quietly and be good, and then they'll let us go.” Patrick tried to give her an incredulous look. The kind of people who pistol-whipped strangers and robbed jewelry stores probably weren’t the kind of people who were likely to keep their promises. Before he could formulate a reply, Patrick felt heavy footsteps headed in their direction.

“You should listen to your girlfriend.” Patrick heard from somewhere above him. He risked opening his eyes for a second and saw a seedy looking man wearing a clown mask over his face standing over him. He was immediately reminded of the birthday clown. “She’s a smart one, didn’t give us any trouble at all. You on the other hand…” Clown man leaned closer until he was almost eye-level with Patrick. “You’re on thin fucking ice. I will not hesitate to shoot you if you piss me off.” He gave Patrick a mean, empty smile that chilled him to his bone. He then ruffled Patrick's hair, as if he was a child, before heading off into another direction. Patrick sucked in a breath after his head was jostled, thanking every deity he could think of that he hadn’t had breakfast yet, and therefore couldn’t throw anything up.

Patrick and Alexis sat in silence, while the robbers carefully cut away the glass in the jewelry case. This was not how he had expected his morning to go. Patrick pushed down his panic and tried to think about their situation logically. He looked around, expecting some innocent store person to be held at gunpoint, but all he could see were the robbers.

“Where’s the manager?” Patrick whispered to Alexis. Talking still made his head throb, but it felt much better than the first time he’d opened his eyes. Huh. Maybe he was developing an immunity to concussions. Was that a thing?

“The store was apparently supposed to be closed today, so no one else is here.” Alexis whispered back. _Fuck_. Patrick's face grew hot. They had come here on the same day at the same time when he was first here, so he hadn’t bothered to check the schedule to see if they were open. How could he have been so stupid? Alexis saw the look on his face and quickly continued, “This isn’t your fault Patrick. You couldn't predict that something like this was going to happen.”

Patrick felt tears come to his eyes. The only reason they were in this predicament was because of him. And since the store was supposed to be closed, it wasn’t likely that anyone else would stumble onto them in time to get help. They were stuck at the mercy of these violent men. And despite what Alexis said, it _was_ his fault, since he was the one who brought them here.

Patrick kept his head down, both to avoid the lights and so that Alexis wouldn’t see him cry. Once he’d calmed himself down enough, Patrick asked quietly, “Why did they bring us in here? What’s that going to accomplish?”

“I accidentally made eye contact with that one over there, when we were at the door,” Alexis whispered, nodding her head in his direction. “And they wanted to make sure we didn’t call the police, I guess.” She tilted her head and gave Patrick a wry smile. “Having hostages also doesn't hurt, in case the cops actually show up.”

“How are you so calm about this?” Patrick wondered out loud.

“Do you have any idea how many times I’ve been kidnapped or held hostage? It gets old after the first few times. Although, I have learned a few tricks.” Alexis subtly moved her hands behind her back, showing Patrick that she’d gotten out of her bounds, and was just holding onto the ropes. His eyes widened. Before he could ask her to untie him too, the same man who’d talked to them earlier walked over.

“You two: shut up. We’re putting our shit in the car and then the pretty boy’s coming with us.” He said, giving Patrick a leery smile. What?

Alexis tensed. “I’m sorry? I thought you said you were going to let us go?”

“Yeah, I’ll drop him off a couple of blocks away. It’s just an insurance policy to make sure you don’t go running to the police.” Great. So Patrick was going to end up dead in a ditch the day before David’s birthday. The perfect present.

“If you just need an insurance policy, take me,” Alexis replied confidently. “He has a concussion, so he obviously shouldn’t be moved around too much. And it’s not like he can walk off and call the police. You already took our phones.”

“Alexis, don’t,” Patrick gritted out, angry that she was trying to put herself in danger for him. He was the older brother. He was the one who was supposed to be protecting her, not the other way around.

The robber pointed his gun at her. “Thanks for the suggestion, love, but you’re not in charge. I want him.” With that, he and three of the other men left, leaving them behind with only one guard.

This was the time to act. They could definitely take him. Patrick looked at Alexis’s unbound hands pointedly, but she didn’t seem to understand what he was getting at.

“Patrick, listen,” She said, almost urgently. “You need to do everything they say, okay? Be cooperative.”

“I’m not sure this is the best time to have this conversation, Alexis,” Patrick replied. “After all, there’s still _one_ guard around for the _two_ of us.” Alexis looked at him, mystified. Patrick sighed. He wasn’t very good at this.

“Did you hear me?” Alexis asked. “Do what they say. Stay put, and don’t try to be a hero. You’ll be fine.” That was easy for her to say. She wasn't the one who was about to be thrown into thee back of an unmarked van and murdered. Alexis snuck a glance at the guard, who was just gazing off into the distance, clearly bored with them. She shoved a hand down her shirt, pulled out something, and quickly slipped it into Patrick’s pocket.

“What was that?” Patrick whispered, trying not to draw the guard’s attention.

“You can look at it later.” Alexis replied and reached over to loosen his bonds, while the guard wasn't looking.

“Alexis, wha-” Patrick was interrupted from asking questions by one of the robbers walking back in.

“Okay, time to go, pal.” The man pulled him up from the floor like he was a rag doll. Okay, this was happening. He was _not_ going to cry.

“Alexis, tell David I love him,” Patrick said, his voice breaking, as he was taken away. Maybe he was going to cry, but he felt too scared to care.

“You can tell him that yourself, very soon.” she replied, and gave him a forced smile. “You’re going to be okay, Patrick. They’re not taking you too far from here, right?” She asked, looking at the robbers accusingly, as if they would change their plans just for her.

“Of course not,” the robber replied soothingly, but dug his fingernails into Patrick’s arm. Patrick was going to get through this. David would find a way to bring him back to life and kill him himself if Patrick ended up getting murdered the day before his birthday and their anniversary.

* * *

Patrick was taking slow, deep, breaths, but they really weren’t helping stave off his impending panic attack. The robbers had shoved him into the trunk and had been driving around for what felt like hours. Patrick was in pain, hungry, and wanted to cry. The robbers, or kidnappers now, weren’t being very gentle with their driving. His head hurt _so_ much, and was just getting worse with every bump in the road. Apparently, he wasn't developing an immunity to concussions. 

On the upside, they had left him alone in the trunk, and Alexis had loosened the ropes around his wrists enough for Patrick to be able to get them off completely. He pulled out whatever Alexis had put in his pocket, and was delighted to see that it was a cell phone. A really tiny, _really_ old flip phone. It didn’t even have a touch screen, but Patrick didn't care. He silently thanked Alexis for coming though and then flipped it open. He was about to call 911, but then noticed that the phone had exactly one very familiar number preprogrammed into it. It was David’s number. This must be the phone that Alexis used to use to call David whenever she got into trouble.

Patrick wasn’t even sure what he’d say to the police. He was in the trunk of a black car and had no idea where exactly he was? That wasn’t very helpful. And by now, Alexis had probably already called them, so it was pointless. Patrick didn’t know how much time he had left. So he called David. It was probably a dumb, defeatist decision, but he was scared and hurt and wanted to hear his husband’s voice one last time. 

David picked up on the first ring. “Hello?” He said, sounding scared. “Alexis, where are you, what happened?” 

“Hi, David,” Patrick said thickly, through his tears, “It’s Patrick.” He heard David suck in a breath.

“Patrick, what the fuck? Where are you?”

“In the back of a trunk,” Patrick sniffed. “We accidentally walked in on a robbery and then they decided to kidnap me for ‘insurance', as they called it.”

“Alexis isn’t with you?” David asked, sounding even more worried.

“No, she isn’t.” Patrick replied, and then quickly added, “She’s okay though! They left her alone.”

Patrick hears David curse, but he didn't quite understand why he’d be mad that his sister didn’t also get kidnapped.

“Okay, Patrick?” David said, in a tone Patrick had never heard from him before. “You need to do what I say, okay? We’ll get you home safely.” Patrick nodded, and then gave a verbal reply when he remembered David couldn’t see him.

“I love you.” Patrick added, remembering what he’d told Alexis and silently thanked her again for giving him the opportunity to tell his husband that, himself.

“Yeah, no, we’re not doing that, cause you’re going to be fine,” David said, far more confidently than Patrick felt. “Okay, did you happen to get the make and model of the car, Patrick?”

“Not exactly. I was busy trying not to cry because people were shoving me into a trunk.” Patrick replied back, a little harsher than he should have. But he would have appreciated David accepting the reality of the situation and telling him that he loved him back.

“Don’t get snappy with me, I’m trying to help you!” David shot back and then took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, I know you’re in a very stressful situation, but everything is going to be okay. Tell me what you see in front of you,” David instructed. Patrick turned the phone, shining the dim light all around, but didn’t see anything other than carpet. He told David so.

David replied, “Okay, so there’s nothing that’s glowing in the dark or sticking out? That means that the car is either from before 2002 or they modified it so that it would be harder for you to get out.” How in the world did David Rose know anything about cars? Was he looking stuff up?

“David, how do you-”

“ _Focus_ , Patrick,” David ordered. “There aren’t any cables, levers, hatches, anything?”

“No.” He glanced around again, but couldn't see anything. 

“Okay, then you’re going to have to peel back the carpet and punch out a taillight. Open up the back of the phone, there’s a knife in there.” Patrick wrinkled his eyebrows, but did as David said. Sure enough, there was a tiny little blade in there. Patrick didn’t ask any of the many questions he had, and instead, started cutting up the carpet. He felt slightly better with something to do. A couple minutes later, a honk blared from the cell phone, startled him.

“David, are you _driving_?”

“Patrick, you said you’d do what I told you to, so please just work on getting to that tail light. I called Alexis and she already called the police, so they’re looking for you, okay? You just need to make their jobs a little easier, and punch out the tail light.”

Just as David finished saying that, Patrick ripped out the rest of the carpet. He reveled in that small victory.

“Okay, I did it, David.”

“You took out the tail light? Cause I didn’t hear it.”

“No, but I got rid of the carpet and that’s half the battle.”

“Great. Now you just have to kick or punch it out. I’d suggest kicking, because your legs are stronger and you won’t hurt your little fists that way, but if you're too cramped to get enough momentum, just punch it. Try not to make too much noise.” Patrick managed to kick it out on his first try. The sudden brightness and wind took a second to adjust to, but he still took a deep breath, grateful for the fresh air. At least now he wasn't going to suffocate in here.

“Patrick?”

“It’s out.”

“Okay, good. I’m almost there, so just hang tight, okay?”

“You’re _what_?” Patrick asked, flabbergasted. “Almost where? David, what are you doing?” What was he thinking? 

“Okay, I think I see the car. Stick your hand out of the hole for a second. There you are!”

“You said the cops are coming?” Patrick asked, afraid that his husband would do something stupid and put himself in danger.

“Yeah, but Alexis is already here, too, and she’ll be more helpful, anyway.”

“More helpful for _what_?”

“Okay, you’re going to have to brace yourself. Are you wearing your jacket?”

“David, please, can you just tell me what’s going on?”

“Patrick, just trust me,” David replied. “I’m assuming you’re wearing your jacket. Take it off and cushion yourself as best as you can, with it. Keep your head protected, and brace yourself, but stay as limp as possible.” Patrick did as he was told, too afraid not to.

“Okay, I did it.” As soon as the words left his mouth, something barreled into the front of the car. Patrick was violently thrown from side to side, and hit his shoulder particularly hard against the side of the trunk door. He muffled a yelp. Something felt broken. Before he could even recover, the trunk was suddenly open. Patrick flinched, instinctively trying to push the hands on him away. Wait, he knew those hands. Patrick opened his eyes, squinting, to see David standing in front of him, in a halo of light, looking like an avenging angel.

Before Patrick could say anything, David was lifting him out of the trunk. This time, Patrick couldn't stop the sound of pain from escaping him.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry Patrick, I knew I should have just gone with my plan instead of listening to Alexis. Where are you hurt?” 

“My shoulder,” Patrick mumbled, eyes squeezed shut again. Patrick heard a weird clicking noise and then screaming from the front of the car. He just wanted this nightmare to end. He was being lifted out again, but this time, David was being careful not to jostle him as much.

Patrick stumbled even once his feet were firmly on the ground, but David was a solid rock at his side, steadying him. He immediately tried to push David away from the car, to keep him away from the people with guns, but David didn’t seem to understand the danger he was in.

“David, we have to go, _now_!”

“Slow down,” David said, rubbing his shoulders soothingly. “Everything’s okay now.”

“No it’s not, there are people with guns like three feet from us, David!” Patrick yelled.

“Um, not anymore!” Patrick turned around to see Alexis walking away from the front of the car, limply holding two guns in her hands. What the _fuck_.

“Oh my god, Alexis, stop swinging those around like they're a pair of maracas! Where are the assholes who kidnapped my husband?” 

She pouted. “You never let me have any fun, David! I tazed them and locked them in the car. They're out cold, so, you're _welcome_.”

Patrick looked between Alexis and David, and started crying, out of relief from not being dead, and also from the sheer frustration of not knowing what was happening.

“Look what you’ve done, Alexis, now you’ve upset him!” David yelled in her direction as he pulled Patrick into his arms and hugged him tightly.

“Ugh, David, I’m the one who saved him! Maybe he’s just upset because he got kidnapped!” Alexis snapped back.

“Can someone please just tell me what’s going on?” Patrick said between sobs. At this point, he wasn’t even embarrassed about the crying in front of Alexis. He wrapped his uninjured arm around David and squeezed further into him.

Before anyone could say anything, there were sirens, and they were getting louder. Alexis’s eyes widened.

“Patrick!” she said, gently pulling him out of David’s warm embrace. “Where’s the phone I gave you? I’d like it back in my possession and not with the police.”

Patrick pointed to the trunk and turned back to David. His husband carded a hand through his hair and gently tilted his chin up towards him. “Patrick, I promise I’m going to explain everything, but first you need to explain what happened to the police. And go to the hospital to get your head and shoulder looked at.”

“Is there anything I shouldn’t be telling them?? I feel like some of whatever you guys did was definitely illegal,” Patrick asked, looking up at David. 

“Don’t even worry about it!” Alexis exclaimed from behind him, presumably back in possession of her phone.

Patrick sighed and closed his eyes. His blind trust in the Rose siblings had just saved his life, so he was going to try to take Alexis’s word for it. For now.

“I love you.” David said suddenly, and kissed Patrick. “I’m saying it back from earlier since there’s time now.” He explained. Patrick started laughing, in between sobs. He probably looked crazy, but he couldn't help it. David had literally just rescued him from being kidnapped, and was somehow worried about Patrick being mad at him for not saying ‘I love you’ back.

“I love you, too. Thank you so much for saving me, David.” Patrick replied, still amazed at the events of the day.

David seemed uncomfortable with that level of earnestness in front of Alexis and replied, “For better or for worse, right? I can’t go around breaking my wedding vows.”

“I’m not sure this situation was what that particular vow was referring to, but sure, David.” Patrick sniffled and dropped his head into David’s chest, forgetting about his head injury. “Ow.”

“Okay, you know what, you’re going to a hospital first, the cops are just going to have to deal with that,” David said, steering him into his car. He sat Patrick down and even buckled him in. Normally, Patrick would have something to say about that, but he didn't have the energy to think of anything. He was so fucking hungry.

“Can we please stop for a bagel or something? I’m starving,” Patrick asked, and then felt a little foolish. That probably wasn't high on David's priority list right now. 

“Yeah, why not?” David replied distractedly, and started backing away from the alley.

“Wait, David, what about Alexis?” Patrick asked, gesturing towards her wrecked car. Oh wait. That was actually _his_ wrecked car. Nope. He wasn’t going to deal with processing that right now. “Is she going to be okay? Shouldn’t we take her to the hospital, too?”

“She’s perfectly fine. She’s had a lot of practice crashing cars.” David rolled down the window and yelled in Alexis’s direction. “And if she _wanted_ a ride to the hospital, maybe she shouldn’t have put my husband in danger in the first place!”

Patrick could just make out Alexis’s indignant, “Oh my _god_ , David, you’re so ungrateful!” before they drove off.

* * *

Once Patrick had been cleared from the hospital, with an ugly cast and a couple of stitches, he was questioned by the police. They didn’t grill him nearly as much as he expected, and Patrick suspected Alexis had a hand in that. They didn’t talk to David at all, which Patrick found very strange, but decided not to question. For now. 

Patrick made David give Alexis a ride back to their cottage, and once they were finally all home, he sat them both down on the couch and took a seat on the opposite armchair. David was very hesitant to leave his side, so Patrick scooched the chair over close enough so that they could still hold hands.

“So,” he said, looking at the Rose siblings, who were shifting around uncomfortably like little kids who knew they were in trouble. “Which one of you wants to explain what the fuck that was?”

David and Alexis looked at each other.

“You go first, Alexis, since you were there, and still let my husband get kidnapped.”

“Actually, _you_ go first, David, since Patrick obviously already knows what I know, _since I was there with him_ , dummy.”

“No, _you_ go first, you con-”

“David,” Patrick interrupted. He pressed his fingers to his temple, feeling his headache getting worse already. “Please just shut up and talk.”

David opened his mouth and then closed it again.

“David??” Patrick repeated, starting to get annoyed.

“Well,” David said carefully, “you said to shut up, but also to talk so I’m kind of confused.” Patrick took a deep breath in and exhaled slowly. He was not going to yell at his husband or his sister who’d just saved him, James-Bond style, from a kidnapping. That would be ungrateful of him, as Alexis had said earlier.

Instead, Patrick turned to Alexis. “What happened once they took me away?”

Alexis perked up. “Oh, well as soon as their getaway car started driving away, I ran out and memorized the license plate. I took your keys from you earlier, when you weren’t looking, and drove after you. I stayed pretty far back so they couldn’t tell I was following them, and then I called the police and told them what was up.”

“She didn’t even _bother_ to call me. I had to call her.” David said, still glaring at her.

“Oh my god, David, Patrick called you, like I knew he would, so it doesn’t even matter! Why are you being so annoying about this?”

“Um, maybe because my husband got kidnapped and I found out because he called me crying from the inside of the trunk of a car? That was a little traumatic, so a little heads up would have been nice?”

“David,” Patrick said firmly, trying to take back control of the situation. “How did you get to my location so quickly? You were supposed to be at the shop today.”

Alexis snickered. David mouthed something at her that Patrick couldn’t make out, and then shifted around in his seat. “Well, I was kind of annoyed that you decided to take Alexis shopping instead of me, so I made Stevie watch the store, and went to get mango sticky rice from that Thai place.”

“So he was basically sulking and stuffing himself with junk food three blocks away, while we were tied up and in fear of our lives, Patrick.” Alexis explained, unnecessarily.

Patrick cut in before David could say something back. “Thank you for your commentary, Alexis. How did you know where exactly I was?”

“Oh, the phone Alexis gave you has a GPS thing in it that’s connected to my phone.” David replied, like that wasn't weird at all. What the fuck.

Patrick turned to look at Alexis. “And you’re okay with this? Being tracked all the time?”

Alexis shrugged. “It only tracks my location if I call or text him! David just got really protective and annoying after that one sultan wouldn’t let me leave the palace for three months. This was our compromise for him not telling our father the exact details. It’s come in handy a couple of times.”

“Actually, It’s come in handy twenty-three separate times,” David corrected. “Today was the twenty-fourth time, so.” Patrick wasn’t going to dig any deeper into that today. Every glimpse into David and Alexis’s past lives horrified him.

He shook his head, trying to get his thoughts back in order. He decided to skip the questions he had about David’s knowledge on cars, because he knew this was devolving fairly quickly and neither of the siblings were patient people who’d sit still for very long. He asked, “David, how did you know when Alexis was going to crash the car? Or that she was doing it at all?”

“Oh, I called her while you were messing with the tail light. We were both pretty sure we were following the right car, and when they pulled into that alley and you punched out the tail light, we knew for sure. She was just waiting for my signal at that point, to know when you would be ready for it. She refused to go with my plan, which was _infinitely_ better and probably would have caused you less bodily harm, cause she’s a little bitch.” Patrick was not going to ask what his plan was. He didn’t want to know. 

“Oh my god, David!” Alexis yelled. “I’m _sick_ of your stupid little insults! I literally tazed five grown men who all had _guns_ , today, and this is the thanks I get??"

“You crashed a car into the car my husband was in, and didn't even tell me that he had a concussion beforehand! This wouldn’t have happened at all if you hadn’t decided to make Patrick take you to that stupid jewelry store!”

Alexis stomped her foot. “Ugh! We were literally there for _your_ birthday present, so you know what, this is actually all your fault!” David opened his mouth, but didn’t yell anything back. Oh no, Patrick had completely forgotten about David’s necklace.

“The birthday present is going to be a while now, David, I’m sorry,” Patrick said, grimacing. “I wasn’t paying attention to what exactly the robbers took, but they might have stolen it.” To Patrick’s surprise, he was suddenly enveloped in a gentle hug.

“I don’t want a birthday present, Patrick,” David sounded like he was about to cry. “You being here, safe and alive is the best birthday present I could have asked for.” Patrick melted. Goddammit. He wasn’t going to be able to interrogate him any further. And he didn’t particularly _want_ to ask Alexis any more questions. He didn’t want that taser or whatever other gadgets she had to be used on him.

Patrick patted David’s back and tried to calm him down. He met Alexis’s eye, and mouthed ‘thank you’ at her. She waved him away and just made finger hearts back at him.

“Well, I think I’m gonna go now,” she announced, neatly stepping around the couch. “I’m sure Stevie would love to be caught up on everything that happened. Especially on the actual reason you made her watch the store, and not whatever bs you told her.”

David stopped crying just long enough to yell, “Go chew on plastic, Alexis!” Patrick snorted. David and Alexis knew each other well enough to coordinate a kidnapping rescue together, but couldn't get along for more than three minutes. This was his family now. And he wouldn’t trade them for the world.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry if this was a little out of character. I tried my best to stay as true to them as possible, despite putting them in a ridiculous situation. That said, the reason I made David worry more about Patrick and less about Alexis, despite the fact that he obviously loves them both, is because he knows Alexis can handle herself. Patrick, on the other hand, had obviously never been kidnapped (that we know of), so I think David would be a little more worried about his mental and physical health than about Alexis's. 
> 
> I'd love any feedback! <3


End file.
